What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 03:45
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She married twice! .
Beef cattle disease found in southeast Iowa herd, first time seen in state - weareiowa.com
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But ive been too sick for many years..
What does it feel like to "lose your looks" to age?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why is my ex trying to provoke an argument with me?
I waited trembling.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
IBM’s New Quantum Roadmap Brings the Bitcoin Threat Closer - Decrypt
She found it foreign!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do I (45, male) feel like I'm crushing on a girl (19, female)?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
How do you fight the push and pull (manipulation) tactic if you want to win him?
She loved him until the end.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What is every dictators biggest fear?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Would this be the day?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Common herbal supplement used to beat stress linked to liver toxicity - Times of India
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Does the West have a defense against China's PL17 air-air missile?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Put me off passion for life!!
Is it okay for my husband to help other ladies without telling me?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I think the readers, may guess!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He knew the spot.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She wouldn,t have been !
But it wasn’t much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So, i spoilt her more .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was 9 years of age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was seconnd youngest,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I said to her
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I don,t even have a pension.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I write beautiful poetry .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I have no regrets .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And i lived it daily.
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was scared of men, in general
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We all went to grammer schools
Why did i forgive my father ?
So whats the point in blame.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Especially a lifetime of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
When she asked me how she looked .
I will be 64.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
All the time i was locked up.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It was going to be , some day.